Casserole Crazy

Today I made casserole for my local soup kitchen. I’ve been saying I was going to do it for months, and shamefully, have just gotten around to participating. I made my deconstructed zucchini lasagna (a dish that would pretty much be a lasagna if I’d used lasagna noodles and layered it instead of mixing it). I doubled my original recipe (after the jump) and filled two 9 X 13 baking dishes. Even doubling the recipe, the grocery bill came in at just around $20, so in addition to this meal being delicious and hearty, it’s a great way to feed at least 12 people on the cheap.

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Oh wait, I did. Someone just beat me to actually making it.

I was recently bragging to my friends that if I ever had some crazy partnership with Pyrex, the first thing I would design would be a labyrinth-like dish so that every piece of casserole would be a crusty edge piece — because everyone knows that the crusty edge pieces are the best part of any casserole.

Then I went to the website for my favorite, local (favorite and local, not just favorite of the locals) kitchen store, The Brooklyn Kitchen, and what do they have featured on their front page? The Baker’s Edge. Supposedly it’s for brownies, and casseroles are better in glass dishes (or so I’d like to think), so maybe there’s still hope for The Crusty Casserole.

So, Pyrex, if you’re looking for the next big thing, call me.

[The Brooklyn Kitchen: The Baker's Edge]

Seriously, how in the hell am I supposed to make ten bazillion casseroles if I can’t even get my hands on a can of French fried onions? I thought for sure Costco would come through for me, but no:

And in full-on work mode. For the next seven months, I will do nothing but eat, sleep and probably drink casseroles. Fun, right? Right!

Before leaving for my European Adventure (which was amazing, by the way, thanks), I had a few friends over to celebrate my book deal. I learned a few things from this experience:

1. My kitchen is not equipped for making five casseroles at once.

Remember when I said I have everything I need in there? Ha. Believing this, I attempted, in two hours, to create five casseroles. Originally, they were all going to be unique, but about half an hour in, I had to give up and mass produce.

My friends were to arrive at 8, and I burst through the door at 6 , arms full of Fairway bags. At 6:20, after realizing that I only had one pot big enough to boil pasta, while said pasta was boiling, I did the dishes I’d let pile up the day before. Because the sink was not empty, I could not strain the pasta in time. And by the time the dishes were done, the pasta had overcooked just sitting in the pot of hot water. I had to shut down the whole operation and run to C-town for more Cavatelli.

2. Fairway does not carry French fried onions.

This does not please me.

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I walked into some generic Brooklyn grocery store like C-Town or Key Food and had my choice of French fried onions. The shelf was stocked full of Durkee, French’s, some kind I’d never heard of, along with a store brand. It was only a dream.

I believe that the reason my tuna noodle casserole didn’t place at my Second Annual Casserole Party, held last October, was because I had to use potato chips, instead of French fried onions, for my crusty topping. Yes, they’re that good.

Am I missing something here? Are French fried onions not available in Brooklyn because they’re too tacky for New Yorkers? I honestly wouldn’t be surprised; my ex, who was raised on both coasts, once turned his nose up at my love of Durkee Onions and suggested I should “at least French fry your own onions.” That’s like saying if I cut up my own potatoes and fry them, that they’ll be as good as McDonald’s fries. They just won’t. Sure, they might be better for me, and a little more sophisticated, but there’s no denying that fresh, heavily salted McDonald’s fries are amazing.

I’m holding out hope that I can buy Durkee Onions in bulk at Costco. If anyone knows where I can buy French fried onions–any brand–in Brooklyn, please let me know in the comments section.